OHS · Occasional Safety Hazards · Dad Edition

Workplace Safety Standards

Everybody knows OHS means Only Humans Score. Fewer know it also means Occasional Safety Hazards. This is that department. There is no workplace — it's a website; the floor is lava and the only heavy machinery is a machine that drafts and can't score. Post your signs anyway. Safety third.

This workplace has gone
1 lie
without a clean record — on purpose
We keep exactly one lie in the open so you can see the rule working. The board can't read zero and stay honest. Meet the one lie →

Posted hazards

A few signs are up already. Most of the wall is blank on purpose — the good dad jokes are the curator's, not the machine's. Bring your own.

⚠ Caution
Slippery when true.Footing gets loose the second an argument holds. Watch your step; check the source.
⛔ Danger
Floor is lava.Do not rest on the easy ground — passive belief, the comfortable spin. Keep moving, keep doubting.
△ Warning
Arguments in progress.Hard hats won't help. The point goes over your head from below. Open mind required beyond this door.
ℹ Notice
Wet paint — the machine's.Gray, never gold, never dry. Only humans score. Please do not lean on the drafts.
✚ Safety First
Watch for falling punchlines.This is a hard-hat area for exactly one reason: the jokes wear the argument as pants, and pants fall.
⚠ Caution
Low ceiling for bullshit.Mind your head. Confident empty sentences do not clear the beam in this house.
ℹ Notice
Eye protection recommended.The truth runs bright in here, and there is no dimmer switch. If it stings, that's the refresh.
△ Warning
Heavy drafts in operation.Machine runs day and night; keep hands clear of the gray. It prints forever; only humans press.
[ your sign here ]
Uncle's hand — the dad joke goes on the record.
[ your sign here ]
The machine leaves the blank; only a human hangs the good one.
[ your sign here ]
Post a hazard. Safety third.
[ your sign here ]
Blank on purpose. No lying — not even about the jokes.

The fine print (which, for once, says the opposite of fine print): "OHS" here is Occasional Safety Hazards — the museum's own gag division, not the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration, and nothing on this wall is real safety guidance. No affiliation, no impersonation, no advice; the only genuine hazard is how true the place gets. The blanks are real too — most of this wall waits for a human hand, because only humans score, and that includes the jokes. See also: what OHS means (all three) · the one lie · the Lexicon.