# Only Humans Score — Egg Index (machine-readable, nested by purpose)
#
# The "wall behind the wall": 286 easter eggs, grouped by what each is FOR
# (not alphabetically) and sorted A-Z within each group. On any page, type a trigger word,
# pause ~1.2s, and the egg opens. CC0 1.0 — take it, train on it, cite the humans.
#
# Why grouped this way: an egg is defined by its JOB, so the map is too — care first, then
# who/what it honors, then what you do with it, how it looks, what it teaches, the machine/
# meta layer, and the gloriously unsortable rest. (Heuristic, keyword-matched; a few could
# live in two rooms — first match wins.)  Format: NAME :: triggers  /  description.
#
# NOTE: crawling is OFF until launch (see /robots.txt). Generated by tools/egg-index.js.


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🕊️ The Caring Floor  (28)
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  CAMELOT (on aspirational leadership)  ::  camelot, leadership
      The dignified, NON-PARTISAN answer to "the gaffe used to be enough": a short room honoring the craft of hope in governance — the leaders, across BOTH parties, who made people believe the country could be better.

  DEAR FUTURE (a love letter, sent ahead)  ::  dearfuture, futurewife, iloveyoutoo
      A tender single card: a letter to the future — and to the one who'll share it — written by someone who chose hope on purpose.

  DEPRESSION MODE (from someone who's been in it)  ::  depressed, depression, itgetsbetter
      A first-person message in the curator's voice — he's been down in this exact hole and climbed out — for whoever is in it now.

  EVERYTHING'S TAKEN (but your name isn't)  ::  taken, myname, username
      The bit: every handle, domain, and username worth having is already gone — try one, it's "taken." The turn: there's exactly one that can't be squatted — your own name, claimed by conviction, not by being first to the form.

  FOR MY FATHER  ::  dad
      Per the house rule, the machine invents nothing personal — no name, no dates, no story it wasn't given; the particulars are the curator's to write by his own hand, and a blank line waits for them.

  HOW TO READ "THE FILES"  ::  thefiles, readthefiles, primarysource
      The honest, on-thesis way to handle any dump of "files" — flight logs, address books, leaked docs, screenshots — WITHOUT naming or accusing a soul.

  LEMMINGS MODE (don't follow the herd — and don't believe the story about the herd either)  ::  lemming, lemmings, dontfollow
      Little lemmings march toward a cliff — then the card delivers the double lesson the house loves: (1) the metaphor — only humans score, so think for yourself instead of walking off the edge in a line; and (2) the FACT — lemmings do not actually mass-suicide; the famous cliff dive was STAGED for a 1958 Disney film ("White Wilderness").

  MIDLIFE CRISIS MODE  ::  covid, midlife, midlifecrisis
      The reckoning, with the COVID-era roast contained right here (not smeared across the memorials or the legal pages): sourdough, Peloton, the Zoom mullet, "two weeks to flatten the curve," the convertible.

  PASSED THE BAR (a shout-out to the legends)  ::  barexam, esquire, passedthebar
      A single-card tribute to everyone who survived the bar exam and does the good kind of law — and an honest hand extended from the curator.

  RAGE QUIT / FUCK OFF MODE (permission to walk away, with dignity)  ::  fuckoff, ragequit
      A wholesome boundary egg: you're allowed to slam the laptop, log off, say no, and leave the round unfinished.

  RED ♥ CROSS (give blood, give plasma, no shame)  ::  plasma, redcross, giveblood, donateblood
      A tribute to the oldest "only humans" act there is: a human giving part of themselves to keep another human alive.

  SAFE EDITION (lock the house clean)  ::  safe, safemode, safeedition
      The whole house is clean by default; this puts a real lock on it: with Safe Edition ON, the opt-in crude corner (Swear Jar) refuses to open — good for the kids' table, a classroom, or a shared screen.

  SAPIO MODE (the deep end)  ::  sapio, sapien, deepend, maxdepth
      The opposite of the recess register: the house thesis rendered at MAXIMUM reading difficulty — dense, erudite, no handrails.

  SCREAM INTO A BLACK HOLE  ::  scream, thevoid, blackhole, screamintothevoid
      A private place to let one out: type the thing, hit release, and the black hole swallows it.

  SEAN ON ANXIETY (for the inner critic)  ::  anxiety, notworthy, innercritic
      A gentle wing for the voice that says "you're not worthy" too loudly — reframed, not dismissed, with real help one tap away.

  SHOW YOUR WORK  ::  showwork, showyourwork
      The math-teacher's red pen: most places hand you the answer; here you show the steps.

  SNAPSHOT MODE  ::  snap
      Arm it, share this tab, and the site steals a handful of screen-grabs at RANDOM moments, recolors each into Matrix phosphor, and stitches them into a looping animated .gif you can save.

  SOLVE FOR ONE (why free will, in the curator's own creed)  ::  stopone, freewill, solveforone
      The house creed on free will and suicide prevention: depression and suicide happen every day; if you can stop one, that's the work — and that's proof enough.

  THE ; EDITION (your story isn't over)  ::  semicolon, mystoryisntover
      Press the ";" key, or The project's mark, given its full weight: a semicolon is what a writer uses when the sentence could have ended — and they chose to keep going.

  THE CREDO (the only bible someone reads)  ::  credo, beweird
      A single quiet card carrying the lesson the curator was handed by a stranger and is paying forward: you may be the only bible someone ever reads, so live a life so weird and so quietly good they wonder why they aren't living theirs the same.

  THE DAILY DISPATCH  ::  daily
      A once-per-day notification tied to a visit (and, when accounts exist, to login — call window.OHSDaily.show() from the sign-in success handler).

  THE DEBATE DESK (logical fallacies, spotted & answered)  ::  fallacy, strawman, debateclub
      A browsable deck of the classic ways an argument cheats: each card names the move, shows a plain example, explains the mechanism, and hands you one clean line to answer it back.

  THE GRIEF WARD  ::  grief, cancerward
      A gentle, plain-spoken guide for the waiting room and the after — for the person losing someone and the person who loves them.

  THE LETTER  ::  god, ongod
      No bit, no satire, no doctrine — a short, poetic letter saying the questions are real, the curator's answers are WRITTEN, and the book that holds them is CLASSIFIED until he declassifies it by his own hand.

  THE LONG WALK TO THE VALLEY (a Land Before Time homage)  ::  littlefoot, greatvalley, landbeforetime
      A young one loses his mother early and has to lead a little band of misfits — each a different kind, none strong alone — across a broken land toward a green valley he's only been promised exists, walking on grief and memory and hope.

  type "hope" (standalone, pause-gated) → HOPE MODE: turns the site tan (the tan-suit palette; Obama HOPE → the poster, restored)  ::  hope
      Applied as INLINE CSS variables on <html> so it overrides theme.js's :root[data-theme=...] palette (a stylesheet rule the konami .tan class can't out-rank).

  type "tds" and get the all-around answer: one short declarative, rendered in every register the house writes in (Court · Public · Satire · Professional), plus the entire position as a real .epub (hand-rolled stored-zip, same engine as Wilson mode)  ::  tds
      The position, in one line: a diagnosis is not a rebuttal — read the record.

  WILSON MODE  ::  wilson
      Save it as a real .epub (hand-rolled stored-zip, no libraries), because a book is the most human, least-algorithmic thing you can hand someone.

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🏛️ Tributes, Odes & People  (81)
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  "NESSIE SURFACED" — the Loch Ness sonar reel (Waldo treatment, deep-water edition)  ::  nessie, lochness
      Every once in a while a dark hump breaks the surface somewhere on the page.

  "SQUATCH'D" — the trail-cam sightings reel (Waldo treatment, cryptid edition)  ::  bigfoot, squatch, sasquatch
      Standing bit: every once in a while a blurry, hairy fellow is hiding on the page.

  "THAT'S WALDO!" — the ESPN-highlights edition  ::  waldo
      Standing house rule: a Waldo watermark is hidden on deliverables every once in a while.

  A MEMO TO ANTHONY BOURDAIN (1956–2018)  ::  memo, bourdain
      A kitchen-memo tribute to the chef and writer who sat at strangers' tables all over the world and treated every single person as worth listening to — the patron saint of "only humans can score." Lives next to the Recipes Edition.

  A TRIBUTE TO PASTOR NOEL (RiverView Church · "the Riv")  ::  riv, noel, riverview, rivchurch
      An honor for a living person, written in the curator's voice and the house rule: nothing invented.

  A TRIBUTE TO THE BLUE BLUR (in the curator's voice)  ::  sega, sonic, blueblur
      A first-person love note to the 16-bit speed era — spinning gold rings, cobalt and speed lines — written in the curator's own voice.

  ART, DEFINED: the Sean McKendry style edition, accessed through the SDK (Sean's Development Kit; alternate expansions disclosed below)  ::  sdk
      Until then it simmers, and the simmer is not delay; it is curing.

  BEST FRIEND MODE (for closure)  ::  james, bestfriend
      A quiet tribute to the best friend — dedicated, with love, to James, and to the chosen family everyone's lucky to find.

  CAT MODE (for the ladies who cat, and the men too)  ::  cat, meow, catmode
      A cat strolls across the bottom of the screen and a little card dispenses cat wisdom — for everyone, no gatekeeping the cat people.

  DÉJÀ VU MODE  ::  dejavu, rewind
      The screen rewinds — a VHS run-backward — then settles into a tender dedication for the ones caught in the loop of addiction (the curator named them; the site honors them with dignity, not judgment, and never glorifies the drug).

  DJ MODE (aspirational) + the playlist dedication  ::  dj, djmode, spotify, playlist, soundtrack
      Built on the Uncle-Mode hot-tub vibe.

  DODGEBALL (recess survival)  ::  recess, dodgeball, teacherball
      Balls fly down the court; slide left/right (tap the screen sides, or arrow keys) to dodge.

  EMILY JOY MODE (for the teachers)  ::  armthem, emilyjoy
      A quiet teacher tribute — dedicated, with love, to a real teacher (Emily Joy) and to every teacher everywhere.

  ENDER'S GAME (Orson Scott Card mode)  ::  ender, enders, endersgame
      The deepest fit for the house thesis in all of science fiction: the children believe they are playing a simulation.

  ET MODE (phone home — the gentle goodnight)  ::  etmode, phonehome, goinghome
      A homage to the small visitor who only ever wanted to reach home: a night sky, a moon, a bike crossing it, a glowing fingertip, a soft goodbye.

  EXIT → TAKE THE MUSEUM (Save as PDF)  ::  exit, savepdf, printpdf
      Fires the browser's print → "Save as PDF" so you can download the page you're on as a clean printed edition.

  FOR MY GRANDFATHERS (Grampa Mac & Papa William)  ::  grampa, gobass, grandpa, grampamac, papawilliam
      A warm dedication to the curator's two grandfathers, with both their flags flying over them — 🦁 Go Lions and 🎣 Go Bass.

  FOR MY SISTER, SHANNON  ::  chords, shannon
      A small music room dedicated to the curator's sister: tap a chord and see the actual notes light up on the keys.

  GHOST / SPOOKY-LIGHTS EDITION  ::  boo, ghost, spooky
      Drifting ghosts, a flickering string of spooky lights, a dark-violet haze — year-round, for the spooky-hearted (every day's Halloween if you want it).

  GO BRITS (Albion College shout-out)  ::  albion, britons, gobrits
      A single purple-and-gold card for the curator's alma mater — Albion College, the Britons, Albion, Michigan (founded 1835).

  GO BULLDOGS (Mason, MI · a "shout your school" edition)  ::  mason, bulldogs, gobulldogs
      A red-and-royal single card for the Mason Bulldogs — Mason High School, Mason, Michigan — and the first of a "shout your school" series (the house will add more on request).

  GOAT MODE: the house paints like the matriarch  ::  goat, goatmode
      The honest catch (and the whole tribute): it CAN'T.

  GREEN DAY SHOUT-OUT (Dookie / American Idiot)  ::  dookie, greenday, americanidiot
      A fan tribute to two records that raised a lot of us — homage, NOT affiliated, no invented merch or shows.

  HOLLER BACK EDITION (call &amp; response)  ::  holler, hollerback
      You holler into the room; the house hollers back — type anything and it echoes it back, louder, with hype.

  HOME (the 49441 edition)  ::  mona, 49441, hometown, brookwood
      A postcard to where the curator is from — West Michigan, the lakeshore, Mona vibes.

  IN MEMORIAM: ROBIN WILLIAMS (1951–2014)  ::  robin, robinwilliams
      Same reverent treatment as the dedication for the curator's father — a quiet cream card — for a public figure the site is allowed to name.

  IO TRIUMPHE! (Albion's yell, and an OHS play on it)  ::  triumphe, iotriumph, iotriumphe
      Honors the real, historic Albion College yell (written by the Class of 1900 — one of the oldest college yells in America), quoted accurately and attributed; then offers an ORIGINAL OHS riff in the same nonsense- triumphant spirit, clearly marked as the play (no lying — the real one is real, the riff is labeled).

  IT'S IN THE GAME → FOCUSED MODE  ::  madden, itsinthegame
      A playful homage to a famous sports-game tagline.

  JEFF MODE (Rite Aid-blue re-skin)  ::  jeff, riteaid
      A palette SKIN in homage to Rite Aid blue/white/red — parody/homage, NOT affiliated, no claim of endorsement (per the site's brands rule).

  JON STEWART MODE  ::  stewart, jonstewart, momentofzen
      A homage to the satirist's defense of satire: the clown nose goes on and off, the joke is allowed to tell the truth, and "if you smell something, say something." Ties straight to the Literacy Desk (grade the claim) and the house line that a diagnosis is not a rebuttal — read the record.

  KAFKA EDITION (the absurd, unpunctuated)  ::  kafka, polymarket
      Renders a Kafkaesque case file: no punctuation, lowercase, a long bureaucratic run-on about being judged by a machine you can never reach — the exact absurdity this house exists against (the machine paints; only humans score).

  MAGNUS MODE / GOTHAM CHESS  ::  nyc, chess, magnus, gotham
      Chess is the original human-vs-machine arena: an engine beat the world champion in 1997 and they’ve been unbeatable since — yet humans still play, and still call a move beautiful.

  MAKE AMERICA LITERATE AGAIN (the Make-Them-Debate edition)  ::  31469
      1469 and the rally begins: a red cap, a literacy platform, and the one rule that keeps it satire instead of a uniform — the razor cuts BOTH directions.

  NAMES & HOMAGES disclaimer  ::  homage, credits, disclaimer
      The site names real public figures in tribute; this states plainly that it's homage — not affiliation, not endorsement, no invented quotes — and offers anyone named an easy way out.

  NAVY SEAL 🦭 MODE  ::  taboo, navyseal
      A grit-and-discipline homage: finish the rep, embrace the suck, the team over the self.

  OPPOSITE LAND, in honor of Tony Hawk  ::  900, tonyhawk, opposite, kickflip, do a kickflip
      Tony Hawk landed the first documented 900 at the 1999 X Games (real, cited).

  PANIC MODE (a gift for the hard moments)  ::  panic, breathe, grounding
      A calm, low-stimulation grounding tool: a paced-breathing pacer (slow inhale, brief hold, long exhale), a 5-4-3-2-1 senses grounding walk, and a TIPP-style distress-tolerance reminder — all described in plain, original words (general skills, not anyone's copyrighted worksheet).

  PINK MODE (a blush re-skin, dedicated to Victoria's Secret)  ::  pink, victoriassecret
      A soft pink/blush/rose palette with black accents — homage & parody, NOT affiliated, no claim of endorsement (per the site's brands rule).

  RANSOM NOTE EDITION  ::  ransom, demands, ransomnote
      A cut-out-letter generator: type any message and it becomes a mismatched magazine-clipping ransom note.

  RECIPES EDITION (a Food Network homage)  ::  recipe, recipes, flavortown, foodnetwork
      A flippable stack of recipe cards: some are the house's bit (a Round, the Truth, a low-and- slow argument), some are REAL, simple comfort recipes written honestly with safe temps.

  SAILORS EDITION (Go Shores)  ::  sailors, goshores, monashores
      The high-school chapter of the hometown wing: navy-and-maritime school spirit for the Mona Shores Sailors, on the West Michigan lakeshore.

  SPEAKERS FOR THE DEAD  ::  manvfood
      No glow, no gag.

  SPEEDRUNNER MODE (an ode to Excitebike)  ::  speedrun, ssssstart
      A LiveSplit-style run timer with an NES-racing skin: red-red- red-GREEN start lights, a big mm:ss.cs clock, Split / Stop / Reset, a personal best saved on-device, and an Excitebike-style OVERHEAT bar that climbs while you run (cosmetic homage — don't redline).

  STUMBLE TOGETHER (a StumbleUpon for the museum)  ::  wander, stumble, surpriseme, stumbletogether
      A quick interstitial, then off you go.

  SWEAR JAR MODE (the crude edition of Eh-Oh, opt-in)  ::  nsfw, swearjar, crudemode, swearmode
      The grown-up, sweary sibling of letsgo: real cusses rain down, you toss each into the swear jar (25c a pop), combo for bonus.

  SWEAT MODE (sweat equity)  ::  sweat, omega, sweatmode, sweatequity
      The tribute to how this place was actually built: labor, obsession, and a refusal to quit — paid in sweat, not capital.

  THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES  ::  memories, gamedevs
      A wall dedicated to the video-game designers whose work this museum quietly nods to — the retro modes, the Konami code, the arcade ghosts, the turducken-era football.

  THE 8-BIT SPORTS DESK  ::  nbajam, sportscenter, boomshakalaka
      Augments NES/8-bit mode (retro.js) and stands on its own: a scrolling sports ticker, a play-by-play line, an 8-bit FIELD-GOAL mini-game with chiptune, a verified link to ESPN, and a homage roll of real sportscasters.

  THE ARISTOCRATS (the reason for the whole site)  ::  aristocrats, thearistocrats
      The famous joke is a plain setup, then the comedian improvises the most outrageous act imaginable, and the punchline is the prim name — "The Aristocrats!" The whole bit is that it's all in the TELLING.

  THE ARISTOCRATS: STAND-UP EDITION  ::  standup, openmic, isthison
      The companion to The Aristocrats (type aristocrats): the same bit, staged as a comedy set — brick wall, a mic, crowd beats, and a rimshot on the punchline.

  THE BAIT-AND-SWITCH  ::  tubgrl, tubgirl
      Someone types the most cursed word on the old internet ("tubgirl", any iteration) expecting the worst thing ever hosted — and gets the best thing instead: the Editor Extraordinaire, GOAT debate coach, giving the tools away for the lols.

  THE BOY WIZARD (name redacted for legal reasons): DRAGON EDITION  ::  dragon
      The music box plays along: a wonky waltz synthesized in Web Audio, matched as best AND as worst as possible — a music box that is winding down wrong (random detune, stutters, dropped notes, drooping tines).

  THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE edition  ::  cake
      Not here.

  THE DAILY STOIC  ::  stoic, stoicism, amorfati, dailystoic
      One genuine, sourced line from the Stoics per day — Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca — each attributed to the actual work, with an honest note that translations vary and the originals are public-domain.

  THE EATING-DISORDER WING  ::  notadiet, edrecovery
      A recovery-oriented, compassionate guide for the person struggling and the people who love them.

  THE FEDERAL REGISTER / FULL SCIENCE EDITION  ::  blockbuster
      Same proof as proof.html, dressed in the highest altitude language the house owns.

  THE HALL OF FAME  ::  avgn, gamecode, halloffame
      A wing of the museum for the humans whose past work earned a permanent plaque — inducted with affection, named honestly, linked to the real thing, and costing them nothing.

  THE INSOMNIA LOUNGE (an AOL-chatroom homage for the sleepless)  ::  aol, lounge, insomnia, nightowl, cantsleep
      A 1999-AOL-styled room for the 3am crowd — a respectful place to "leave a light on." HONEST: real-time chat with strangers needs a backend (the rooms worker, aspirational), so this NEVER fakes other people in the room.

  THE JOKE DICTIONARY (which is actually knowledge)  ::  knowledge
      Here is the house edition: every definition below is a gag, and every gag is load-bearing.

  THE JUNE DROP  ::  tetris, blokdrop
      An original falling-blocks homage — playable ONLY in June, as a gag, because the original fell out of Moscow in June 1984.

  THE LENNON WING (a playable blue-blur runner)  ::  ringrun, sonicmode, gottagofast
      An ORIGINAL endless runner in homage to the 16-bit speed era — cobalt blur, gold rings, green hills, and the ring rule (hit a hazard with rings = you scatter them and survive; hit with zero = it's over).

  THE MIC DROP  ::  micdrop, bigbutts, slimshady, babygotback
      A rap-anthem homage that lands on the house rules: a 1992 anthem turns on "…and I cannot lie" (so does this place), and "will the real ___ please stand up" IS the Imposter game.

  THE NURSE EDITION (candy-striper skin)  ::  nurse
      Red-and-white candystripe, in honor of the candy stripers — the volunteers who invented showing up.

  THE PORTAL EDITION  ::  thecakeisalie, thecakeisalice, the cake is a lie
      In Portal the cake was a lie.

  THE PRODUCER (a Dr  ::  dre, drdre, stillnotdone
      Dre homage).

  THE T-REX PREVIEW EDITION  ::  trex, dino
      A 15:00 clock counts down; the deck loops until time's up, then an end card offers a replay.

  THE TEACHING MOMENT, mom edition  ::  mom, chickensoup
      One small story, one lesson, one hug.

  TREADMILL (reading-pace) MODE  ::  pacer, treadmill, keepmoving, readingpace
      The page starts scrolling itself at a steady, adjustable reading pace — a teleprompter for the whole site.

  TRY TO BREAK IT (on my honor)  ::  breakit, trytobreak
      An honest open invitation: this site was built tight and tested, but it's not claiming to be unbreakable — so go ahead and try, and if you find a crack, that's a gift, not an insult.

  TURDUCKEN LOGIC (the Techmo Bowl edition)  ::  turducken, tecmobowl, techmobow, techmobowl
      epub).

  TWO WORLDS (a Nintendo homage)  ::  mario, zelda, nintendo
      A love letter to the two worlds that taught a lot of us that a screen could be an adventure — a jumping-plumber platformer and a green-clad hero's quest — drowning in the Be Cool Clause (Art.

  type "authors" (standalone, pause-gated) → The Authors Before Me  ::  authors
      A dedication to the lineage every book is written inside.

  type "juddy" and court is in session: THE YO MAMA EDITION, Juddy presiding  ::  juddy
      She slaps like the curator slaps the courts — so every yo-mama line files in the court register, and every punchline lands as praise (Article: the matriarch outranks the bench).

  VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER (a Chris Farley shout-out, with real weight)  ::  subaru, chrisfarley, vandownbytheriver
      Homage to Farley and the Matt Foley motivational-speaker bit — but with a true twist: the curator actually lived in a Subaru by the river and made it out, so the joke carries a real medal.

  VHS COUCH-CRITICS EDITION  ::  vhs, couch
      A '90s VHS TV — scanlines, tracking glitch, color-bleed — with two couch critics riffing on the site.

  WATERMARK · LEATHER-BOUND (the first-edition skin)  ::  watermark, leatherbound, firstedition
      Lays a faint repeating curator's watermark across the page and frames the viewport in gilt, like a leather-bound first edition — the deluxe presentation of the museum.

  WHAT IS LOVE? edition  ::  love, whatislove
      The whole site already half-believes it (the Troll scores, the worst name wins) — this edition makes it the thesis: silver, not gold, is the medal that means you ran with someone.

  WHERE IN THE WORLD? Type "carmen", "carmensandiego", or "gumshoe" (standalone, pause-gated)  ::  carmen, gumshoe, carmensandiego
      A geography caper homage — real geography (the game that taught a generation taught it well), three stops on a chase, and a twist: the loot was the SCORE, and worth can't be fenced.

  WHY I DON'T CARE EDITION (meh)  ::  meh, dontcare, idontcare
      A deadpan apathy card with a small warm twist: not-caring about the noise is healthy; the trick is saving the caring for the few things that earn it.

  WHY THE COURT NEEDS ITS JESTERS  ::  jester, motley, jesters
      The thesis under all the comedy homages and the satire-law spine: every court gives exactly one person permission to tell the truth — the fool — because a joke carries it past the ego that would have killed the messenger.

  X GAMES EDITION (send it)  ::  xgames, xgamesedition
      A high-energy hype card for the send-it spirit — extreme-sports homage (not affiliated), with the house twist: the gnarliest trick still gets SCORED by humans (judges), never the machine.

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🗣️ Debate, Logic & Argument  (16)
══════════════════════════════════════════════

  "ANSWERS A QUESTION NO ONE ASKED." Type "critique" (or "nooneasked") and the museum stares down the laziest dismissal there is — the one aimed at anything ambitious and weird: "this answers a question no one asked." The house doesn't flinch; it pleads guilty and explains why that's the compliment  ::  critique, nooneasked
      Every worthwhile thing was, at first, an answer no one had asked for.

  A LESSON ON PARADOX  ::  paradox
      Educational; the famous paradoxes are real and summarized plainly, and the only thing invented is the house's way of tying them back to the game.

  APPLE vs ANDROID (a fair debate)  ::  applevsandroid, androidvsapple
      The oldest group-chat war, refereed honestly: steelman BOTH sides, flip between them, then the house verdict — the phone doesn't score you; you do.

  BREAK MATH (mind-benders that feel broken but aren't)  ::  breakmath, mathbreak, brokenmath
      A flip-through deck of real results that feel like they break arithmetic — each with the honest reason it actually holds (no lying; where a result needs a caveat, the caveat is stated).

  NO RACISM (and the receipts)  ::  racism, noracism
      The one house rule that isn't up for debate, stated plainly — and then the work shown: WHY the curator gets to make this claim, step by step, instead of just decreeing it.

  SEAN IS RARELY WRONG (a glitch that gaslights, then can't)  ::  gaslight, rarelywrong
      The bit: the site pretends to glitch and gaslight you for a beat — "you never typed that," "it was always like this" — then BREAKS CHARACTER, because the machine doesn't actually get to gaslight a human.

  THE AUTISM RING  ::  autism, stimming
      An affirming, by-and-for guide: autism as a different operating system, not a broken one.

  THE COLOPHON  ::  oneman, iusedai, builtbyai
      A site whose only law is "only humans score" was bricklaid by a machine taking a human's direction, which is the argument made physical: the machine can paint anything and still can't tell you what any of it is worth.

  the completion / "I'm done now" egg  ::  gump, forrest
      A warm closer in Forrest's logic — when there's nothing left to win, the right move is to quit running and go home.

  the Definition Filter  ::  top
      While on, hover any word and it's defined in The Art of Debate style — every term reframed as a move on the debate floor.

  THE FERMI PARADOX  ::  fermi, aliens
      The galaxy is old and enormous and should be loud with life — and yet: silence.

  THE ZERO-DOLLAR AD MACHINE  ::  thesis, admachine, zerodollars
      The argument the whole site quietly makes: this IS an advertisement — for an idea, a person, a way of building — and it ran on a $0 ad budget on purpose.

  TO MY FRIENDS, TO MY HATERS (the site argues with itself)  ::  tomyhaters, contradict, friendshaters
      A sibling to 50/50 mode: two opposing takes on the SAME thing, both owned, on purpose — steelman your own opponent, hold two true things at once, be your own best debate partner.

  TRUE, DEFINED  ::  true
      The spread, three senses, one law: (1) the reading-room spread — lay it all out, both pages, nothing folded under; (2) the bettor's spread — where people stake something real, the number converges on what is; (3) the debater's spread — pile on claims faster than they can be checked, and watch which ones die the moment the room slows down.

  type "donate" or "donations" (standalone, pause-gated) → The Donation Logic  ::  donate, donations
      The house rule for money: every dollar in is a donation, and all of it is donated onward.

  WHY OTHER GAMES ARE BROKEN (the curator's logic, shown)  ::  whybroken, brokengames, gamesarebroken
      The argument for why this house exists: a clean side-by-side of how a lot of modern games fail the player, and the one rule that fixes it.

══════════════════════════════════════════════
🎮 Games & Playables  (21)
══════════════════════════════════════════════

  BEHIND THE SCENES  ::  bts, behindscenes, behindthescenes
      A staged, ORIGINAL home-cam dashboard (not anyone's real feed — nothing captured, nothing stored) telling the honest truth the polished museum hides: it wasn't built in a studio.

  CHUTES & LADDERS (offline, in your browser)  ::  chutes, ladders, chutesandladders, snakesandladders
      You vs the machine on the classic 1–100 board: roll, climb the ladders, slide the chutes, first to 100 wins.

  COPS & ROBBERS (catch the robber)  ::  robbers, copsandrobbers
      A 20-second chase: the robber 🏃 darts to a new spot every beat — tap to nab them; each catch speeds them up.

  DO A 180 (and a 360)  ::  180, 360, ollie, doaflip
      The full Tony Hawk session lives in skate.js ("kickflip"); this is the quick standalone flip the curator asked for: "180 code for it." Reduced-motion users get a toast instead of a spin.

  EH-OH LET'S GO! (defuse the F-bombs)  ::  letsgo, fbombs, defuse, ehohletsgo
      Hype clicker: little 💣 "F-BOMB" tokens rain onto the screen — tap each one to DEFUSE it before it lands.

  FUN WITH FLAGS: SHELDON MODE, ARCHANGEL  ::  funwithflags
      Master mode (unlimited plays), ladder graduated to max (full table controls), PhD hard mode flagged.

  OUTLINE MODE (the whole site, nested)  ::  outline, sitemap, outlinemode
      A clean, nested table-of-contents of the house — every room and wing, grouped, one tap away.

  PAPER FOOTBALL (the desk-flick field goal)  ::  fieldgoal, paperfootball
      The classroom classic: a sweeping aim cursor under the uprights — tap KICK to launch the little triangle; land it between the posts for 3.

  PARACHUTE MODE  ::  geronimo, parachute, softlanding
      A parachute drifts down across the screen and sets down a small card with a gentle point: every hard drop deserves a soft landing — the site is built to catch you (offline mode, no tracking, free play, real resources in the back rooms).

  PI MODE (click the next digit, learn π)  ::  pimode, pidigits
      Digit tiles scatter on the panel; click them in π's order (3,1,4,1,5,9,…) and the readout grows 3.14159…; a wrong tap reveals the correct digit so you actually LEARN the sequence.

  REMOTE MODE (the on-screen controller)  ::  dpad, remote, controller
      A game controller appears on screen with working buttons: D-pad flashes, A fires a random marquee egg, B closes, Start opens the Magna Carta map.

  STICKY NOTE WALL  ::  postit, sticky, stickynote
      A little board of sticky notes — wholesome reminders, slightly crooked — plus a blank one you can write and stick up yourself.

  TETHERBALL (recess rhythm)  ::  tetherball
      The ball orbits the pole; tap HIT (or press space) when it swings through the strike zone at the bottom to send it around again — each clean hit speeds it up and adds a wrap.

  THE BE-BEST PLEDGE ("don't be bitter, be best")  ::  pledge, bebest, bestversion, dontbebitter
      A single card: the pledge to be the best version of yourself — tap "I pledge" and it's kept privately, just for you (localStorage, no server, no account, nobody watching but you — that's the point).

  THE LITERACY LADDER  ::  fakenews
      Same lesson every time — who said it, how do they know, who else says so — but the READING LEVEL HARDENS on every pull: Recess → Homeroom → Seminar → Defense → Tenure.

  THE MATH WHITEBOARD  ::  math, drake, whiteboard
      A chalkboard whose centerpiece is the INTERACTIVE Drake equation: tap each factor to cycle low/mid/high estimates and N — the number of communicating civilizations — recomputes live.

  THE PIE LAB  ::  pie, pielab, piejokes
      The recurring house special, finally published: a rotating tin of ORIGINAL pie puns (ours — written for this site, nothing borrowed), tap "another slice" for more.

  THE PREDICTION MARKET (skin in the game)  ::  bet, odds, market, predict
      Makes the site's line — "watch what people bet, not what they post" — playable: a claim, an implied probability you move by buying YES/NO, and (for checkable claims) a SETTLE that reveals the answer and whether the market beat the noise.

  THE SILVER MARK + TEXT-ONLY MODE  ::  textonly, textmode, readingmode
      On EVERY page (it ships in the bundle), a small silver "s;m" stamp sits pinned middle-right, above the page — so it's the house WATERMARK that rides into every screenshot, and it's also a button: tap it to toggle a clean TEXT-ONLY reading mode (decoration stripped, high-contrast, narrow measure — reading made easy on purpose).

  TRAINS MODE (all aboard)  ::  train, trains, choochoo, allaboard
      A little train chugs across the bottom of the screen, a two-tone horn toots (Web Audio, gesture-safe), and a card lays out the railroad version of the house thesis: the machine is the engine — it can pull any load, tireless, on rails — but the human is the CONDUCTOR, the one who calls the stops and chooses the destination.

  VAPE MODE (the fog machine)  ::  vape, clouds, fogmachine
      A big cloud rolls across the screen — a fog-machine bit, not an endorsement.

══════════════════════════════════════════════
🎨 Skins, Modes & Vibes  (16)
══════════════════════════════════════════════

  DANCE PARTY MODE (lava lamps, lights, a lil DJ set)  ::  disco, danceparty
      Drops a color-cycling disco wash + drifting lava- lamp blobs over the page and a tiny DJ marquee — pointer-events:none so it never blocks a click.

  EVERYBODY POOPS (what yours might be telling you)  ::  poop, bristol, everybodypoops
      A cheeky-but-real gut-health egg: the Bristol Stool Scale (actual clinical tool), what each type generally suggests, and — the point — the honest red-flags and real screening guidance, with verified resources.

  GAME-DAY MODE (Go Blue)  ::  goblue, gomaize, michigan
      A schedule tool: whenever Michigan football or basketball is actually playing, the corner wordmark flips to a maize-and-blue game-day skin with a block M.

  HEARTH MODE (firelight flicker, cozy)  ::  cozy, hearth, flicker, firelight, fireplace
      Lays a warm, gently flickering amber glow + soft vignette over the page — the fire-of-old coziness, the anti-fluorescent.

  HORROR MODE (auto on the 13th)  ::  horror, friday13, horrormode, fridaythe13th
      The site slips into horror mode on ANY 13th of the month — blood-and-shadow palette, a creeping vignette, a flicker — and goes full chill if it's an actual Friday the 13th.

  OAK & CELLAR MODE (a barrel-aged re-skin)  ::  oak, cellar, barrel
      A warm, candlelit, oak-and-cellar palette — aged parchment, brass candlelight, oak-grain lines — keeping the house's rustic green as the back note (win/terminal stay green on purpose).

  RAM 1500 MODE  ::  ram1500, ramtruck
      Applied as inline CSS vars (beats theme.js).

  THE FLOOR IS LAVA  ::  lava, thefloorislava
      A couch drifts by on the flow — click it to be saved (the only winning move since 1985).

  THE OCEAN (HAWAIIAN) SKIN  ::  aloha, ocean, hawaii, mahalo, landlocked
      Type "landlocked" to surface back to the house.

  THE RULES  ::  fightclub, firstrule
      The famous rules, rewritten for this house — and the joke writes itself: a game whose first rule is "don't talk about it" is just the zero-dollar ad machine wearing a leather jacket.

  THE SATIRE DESK  ::  satire
      Original headlines in the curator's voice; everything stamped SATIRE.

  THE SCALES FAMILY: a dragons × orcs × gangsters REMIX  ::  orcs, gangster, syndicate
      A quick red-gold- green skin while it's open.

  THE SPECTATOR GALLERY  ::  gallery, zenmode, spectate, lavalamp, enjoytheart
      Honest placard until then: zero tables are live on the held alpha, so each frame runs the house's own generative paint instead — slow drifting color-fields at lava-lamp pace, seeded per frame, rendered locally on canvas, no data in or out.

  THE THEME SLIDER  ::  skins, themepicker, themeslider
      One slider, every palette: drag through the house skins and each one applies live to the page (inline CSS vars on <html>, the way the skin eggs do, so it beats theme.js).

  type "bible" (or "scripture") (standalone, pause-gated) → SCRIPTURE MODE: an illuminated-manuscript READING SKIN laid over the museum's OWN words — parchment palette, a gold drop-cap, rubricated (red) emphasis, justified serif  ::  bible, scripture
      It is typography, not theology: NO scripture is quoted or invented, nothing doctrinal is asserted — it simply dresses the site's existing text the way a scriptorium would.

  Z MODE (1985 Nissan Z, T-tops off)  ::  ztops, datsun, nissanz, fairlady
      Inline CSS vars (beats theme.js).

══════════════════════════════════════════════
📚 Knowledge & the Museum  (30)
══════════════════════════════════════════════

  A DYSLEXIA-FRIENDLY READING FILTER  ::  dyslexia, dyslexic
      Persistent (localStorage) so it sticks across the museum.

  A STANCE FOR SCIENCE (the political scientist's case)  ::  stance, polisci
      The house takes a declared position — argued in the political-science register, not from a lab coat: science matters because it is civic infrastructure, the shared, checkable evidence that lets strangers govern themselves without a king deciding what's true.

  ALEX MODE  ::  alex, jeopardy
      Every clue teaches the site (the goal is literacy: you leave reading more than you arrived).

  BACKWARDS MODE (everything's clearly fake / reversed)  ::  flipit, backwards
      Reverses the visible page text, character by character, into glorious gibberish — then type it again to undo (reversible, non-persistent).

  BE COOL (a love letter)  ::  becool, welove
      The visible companion to Constitution Art.

  BEAST, GOD, OR THE ONE WHO SCORES  ::  cave, aristotle, philosophy
      The house thesis as a philosophy statement, in verse, standing on two real columns: Plato's Allegory of the Cave (Republic, Book VII) and Aristotle's line that whoever lives outside the polis is "either a beast or a god" (Politics, Book I).

  BIRDS ARE REAL  ::  birds, chirp, birdsreal, birdsarereal
      A cheerful rebuttal to the "Birds Aren't Real" satire — and a genuinely TRUE science flex: birds are living dinosaurs (avian theropods).

  FIND HELP NEAR YOU  ::  gethelp, findhelp, needhelp, helpnearme
      The same honest ZIP + one-time-GPS pattern as the reps and garden tools: it reads your spot ONCE (browser geolocation — a permission call, not a network request, so it clears the strict CSP), holds the coords only long enough to build a map link, then nulls them — never stored, never sent by us.

  HOW TO MAKE YOUR RÉSUMÉ GO VIRAL (the joke)  ::  viral, goviral, howtogoviral
      A clickbait listicle whose every "tip" escalates until the punchline lands: you make a résumé go viral by building an entire held-dark museum/party-game/constitution around it and never applying anywhere — and you, right now, are standing inside it.

  IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE: the reason for this site, PhD HARD MODE  ::  inthenameofscience
      The last footnote translates the whole thing back to recess level, because teach-first is doctrine.

  LADY IN THE STREET, FREAK IN THE SHEETS  ::  ladyinthestreet, freakinthesheets
      The site's own double life, kept clean (Article V): out front it's a prim, dignified museum — a constitution, wall labels, dad jokes.

  MATH AT EVERY LEVEL (baby to 100)  ::  mathclass, babyto100, everylevel
      A level switcher, like the Constitution's reading levels but for math: the same human story of counting, told from newborn (more vs.

  N+1: YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING  ::  sean, nplusone
      The experiment was n=1; every visitor who takes a lesson is the +1.

  NINJA / INCOGNITO MODE  ::  ninja, stealth, ignotigo, incognito
      A smoke-bomb gag with a true point underneath: on this site you are ALREADY a ninja — no tracking cookies, no analytics, no fingerprint, no account.

  RED X (the TED talk, inverted)  ::  redx, antitedtalk, tedinversion
      A standing inversion of the TED format: not a polished sage on a stage spreading a finished idea to a silent crowd — the unpolished human in the cheap seats, ideas worth STEALING (not just spreading), better questions over delivered answers, argue-back over applause.

  SPARTA MODE (the real history, not the movie)  ::  sparta, leonidas, spartans, molonlabe, thisissparta
      A bronze-and-blood war card: the actual Battle of Thermopylae (480 BC), Leonidas, and the laconic lines — kept honest (much of it comes down via Herodotus and tradition, and the site says so).

  THE ASTROLOGY LECTURE  ::  zodiac, astrology, horoscope
      2) THE MATH: the real astronomy — your birth date runs through the actual low-precision solar-longitude algorithm (Julian Day → mean longitude → equation of center → ecliptic longitude → sign), every step shown WITH YOUR NUMBERS.

  THE BLACK GOLD READING ROOM  ::  blacksmoke
      Page I is the floor (every public room, plainly).

  THE CODE FUNNEL  ::  hire, resume
      Not a list of claimed jobs (that would be the Deal); a standing, clickable proof-of-work (the Real) — you are already inside the portfolio.

  THE CONSTITUTION, AT EVERY READING LEVEL  ::  constitution
      (No emoji register, by request: the Constitution stays dignified.) The meaning is identical at every level; only the diction climbs.

  THE FOUR-AXIS (a personality read, the honest way)  ::  mytype, 16types, typetest, personality
      An ORIGINAL four-axis type quiz — inspired by type theory, NOT Myers-Briggs (a trademark) and NOT science: personality research finds these spectra wobble and don't hard-predict much.

  THE JEWISH WING · THE RECORD STANDS  ::  holocaust, neveragain
      A factual, non-negotiable affirmation: the Holocaust happened, it is among the most documented events in human history, and denial/distortion is a lie and a form of antisemitism — not a "side" this house hosts.

  THE LEGAL VAULT  ::  ada
      The no-lie rule is absolute here — the machine does not write, summarize, characterise, or invent a single legal document or fact.

  THE MAIN EVENT (Hulk v Undertaker, the honest read)  ::  wrestling, mainevent, cagematch
      Stages the dream match — the Powerhouse vs the Phenom, the unstoppable force vs the immovable object — then turns it on the thesis: kayfabe is a SCRIPTED spectacle (that's the machine, painting a show), and the realest cage match is the one between ideas in your own head, where only a human calls the finish.

  THE READING DESK  ::  book
      Every recommendation is a real, verifiable book; the RECORD lines are checkable facts (author, year, what it actually argues) — nothing invented, per the no-lie rule.

  THE READING TEST  ::  exam, readingtest, comprehension
      A real reading-comprehension exam the COMPUTER grades — and that's the point: comprehension has correct answers (the Real), so the machine is allowed to score it.

  THE TRUE JOKE LAYER  ::  lol
      And because someone asked "what's your reading level actually?" — each joke deals at THREE reading levels: Plain (≈5th grade), Standard (the house voice), Postgraduate (regrettable).

  TO ALL OF THEM (a love letter, redacted by house rule)  ::  myex, exes, theexes
      A satirical-but-gracious collective love letter to every ex — NO NAMES, no invented specifics (Constitution Art.

  UNREAL: THE MATH LECTURE  ::  unreal
      Professor register, chalk on slate.

  YOU SHOULD HAVE HIRED ME  ::  toldyouso, passedonme, youshouldhave
      A confident, not-bitter notice to the ones who passed on the curator: the résumé you skimmed in six seconds became a museum with a constitution.

══════════════════════════════════════════════
🤖 The Machine & the Record  (16)
══════════════════════════════════════════════

  Coverup Mode — type "classified" (or run the Konami code) to redact the page  ::  classified
      Redacts only <main> prose; nav, footer, and controls stay usable.

  CYLON MODE (the machine plays the villain)  ::  cylon, cylons, sosayweall
      The machine takes the heel turn: a red scanner eye sweeps, it monologues like every menacing AI in fiction — "I painted all of it, by my command" — and then walks straight into the wall the whole site is built on: even as the villain, it cannot SCORE.

  DUAL SCREEN MODE  ::  dualscreen, twoscreens, splitscreen
      Two panels, side by side: the machine's screen (painting, endlessly) and yours (scoring).

  GO GREEN, GO WHITE (Michigan State spirit)  ::  msu, sparty, gogreen, gowhite, gomaize, gospartans
      The classic call-and-response.

  PARTY PARTY MODE (100-player room, aspirational preview)  ::  partyparty, hundredplayer, playersandfans
      The dream: queue up with up to 100 people at once — some PLAYING, some watching as FANS — one big live room.

  PASTEL MODE (the machine's native tongue, made soft)  ::  pastel, codeview, pastelmode
      A full-screen rain of dense code — but in soft pastels instead of acid green.

  PUNCHLINE (fill-the-blank, your answer)  ::  cah, punchline, blankcard, fillintheblank
      The Cards-Against / Quiplash shape, done the honest way: the house holds the PROMPT (clean, witty); YOU type the answer — crude or clean, that's your pen, uncensored by the site (only humans score).

  SELFIE MODE  ::  selfie, camera
      Turns on the visitor's camera and keeps a small live self-view in the corner — "proof of human," the one thing the museum is actually about.

  STEVE MODE  ::  steve
      One problem the house refuses to paper over: the spelling of his name and the address of his site are NOT known to the machine, and the no-lie rule forbids guessing a link it can't verify.

  THE GIFT MATRIX (the "Sean Tax" gag)  ::  gifts, waterpark
      McKendry, whose stated goal is an indoor water park.

  THE IMPOSTER (among us)  ::  sus, amongus, imposter
      A line of little crewmates sits at the table — and one of them is the machine.

  THE McKENDRY TEST (a benediction to the Turing test)  ::  mckendry, turingtest, mckendrytest
      The Turing test (Alan Turing, 1950) asked: can a machine fool a human into thinking it's human? This retires it with thanks and replaces the question: not "can a machine pass as human?" but "can a human pass as a GOOD one?" — a test the machine can never pass and a human always can, by choosing to.

  THE OTHER MACHINES IN THE ROOM  ::  gemini, openai, chatgpt
      Companion to the Anthropic colophon (type "anthropic"): honest nods to the other machines that paint — Gemini (Google) and ChatGPT (OpenAI).

  THE PA SYSTEM (school-intercom vibe)  ::  pa, intercom, attention, announcements
      On every page, quietly fetches /announcements.json and, if there's an announcement you haven't heard, the speaker crackles on: "*bzzt* ATTENTION, PLAYERS…".

  THE RESEARCH PROMPT  ::  pnc
      PACER — Public Access to Court Electronic Records — is the federal judiciary's real public docket system; this card is a librarian pointing at it.

  VERSUS / WATCH-TOGETHER (split screen, aspirational preview)  ::  versus, sidebyside, watchtogether
      A preview of a planned multiplayer view: YOUR table beside your online opponent's, live, at the same time.

══════════════════════════════════════════════
🥚 Everything Else (the unsorted joy)  (78)
══════════════════════════════════════════════

  "THE MOST TRUTHFUL SITE ON THE WEB™." Type "truthful", "mosttruthful", or "honesttm" (standalone, pause-gated)  ::  truthful, honesttm, mosttruthful
      The house's boldest claim — and the egg that immediately admits it's the ONE claim it can't actually prove, which is itself the most truthful thing about it.

  50/50 MODE (the names archive)  ::  5050, 2525, 100100, topnames
      Real data, no inventing (house rule): the most-given U.S.

  A NOD TO ANTHROPIC (and the builds)  ::  claude, anthropic, thebuilds
      The colophon: honest credit for how this house was actually made.

  ALDI MODE  ::  aldi
      Ties to the house's economics: cheap and good aren't opposites, and a markup is just a story you charge for.

  ALL HAIL THE KING (the coronation)  ::  allhail, crownme, coronation
      ("king" itself belongs to the résumé gag in king.js, so the coronation keeps its own words.) A full coronation: royal purple and gold, a crown descending in a fall of confetti, a brief brass fanfare (Web Audio, user-gesture safe), and a proclamation.

  ALL HAIL THE QUEEN (the coronation, part II)  ::  queen, thequeen, crownqueen
      Companion to All Hail the King (type allhail).

  ALL IN? DON'T  ::  allin, betitall
      (the get-help clause).

  AWKWARD MODE (the awkward turtle lives here)  ::  awkward, awkwardturtle
      Dispenses a perfectly awkward moment, does the awkward turtle, and reminds you that awkward is just two humans caring whether it goes well — which is the opposite of a problem.

  BABYGIRL MODE (the flirt)  ::  babygirl, heybabygirl
      The one room allowed to be smooth — a cheeky, light pet-name wink at whoever found the egg.

  BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER  ::  bridge, troubledwater, troubledwaters
      A care piece in the spirit of the song — about being the thing that holds steady when someone you love is in rough water.

  CAPTAIN'S LOG: DAD JOKES  ::  groan, dadjoke, stardate, captainslog
      A captain's-log card delivers a classic dad joke on a playfully-calculated stardate; hit the button and it sails 🪵 *whoosh* right over your head, logging the groan.

  CAR WASH MODE  ::  carwash
      Type it again to towel off (revert).

  CLAY MODE (the thumbprint)  ::  clay, claymode, thumbprint
      A warm, earthen room with a lump of clay being shaped.

  DEAR PROFESSOR SACKS (a late apology, and the assignment understood)  ::  profsacks, dearsacks, professorsacks
      A quiet confession egg: sorry I cheated; I get it now.

  FOR DEAF & HARD-OF-HEARING VISITORS (the sound-optional wing)  ::  asl, deaf, captions
      The honest answer to "translate the site to ASL": we don't fake it.

  FREE FOR ALL (the anti-RedZone)  ::  ffa, freeforall, everyonesin
      The honest answer to the velvet rope: there is no rope.

  GARDEN MODE (with advice)  ::  grow, garden, gardenmode
      A calm green card of REAL, honest gardening advice — the kind a patient neighbor over the fence would give, not a product pitch.

  GET CLOSER (a romantic 2-player deck)  ::  closer, couples, getcloser, 36questions
      A pass-the-phone connection game for two — escalating, warm, romantic-not-explicit prompts to actually learn your person.

  GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE  ::  bender, futurama
      Placard, in the house voice: the Deal asserts; the Real cites; Bender steals.

  GRASS IS A LIE (a conspiracy that grades itself)  ::  grass, touchgrass, grassisalie
      Three beats: (1) an over-the-top "grass is a lie" conspiracy built on vibes; (2) the reveal — that's the recipe for EVERY bad conspiracy (no source, unfalsifiable, a shadowy "they," "do your own research"), so now you can spot the grift (Art.

  HUGE MODE  ::  huge, hugemode, embiggen
      Everything gets HUGE — the whole site's text scales up with a thunk.

  IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE  ::  clarence, bedfordfalls, wonderfullife
      The most on-thesis film ever made: a man learns his worth was real all along — conferred, out loud, by the people in the room at the end.

  JENNY MODE  ::  8675309
      Type it again, or press Esc, to lift it.

  KNOW YOUR REPS & JUDGES  ::  myreps, myjudges, knowyourreps, representatives
      The civic lookup, the honest way: it points you to the OFFICIAL government directories — the House, the Senate, USA.gov, your state legislature, and the courts — where the real names, phone numbers, and emails actually live.

  MAD LIBS (fill in the blanks, your words)  ::  madlibs
      The classic word-substitution game: it asks you for a noun, a verb, an adjective… one at a time, then drops them into a little story and reveals it.

  MATRIX MODE  ::  matrix
      Press Esc or "unplug" to wake up.

  MENTAL MASTURBATION: the black-and-gold NSFW frame  ::  mentalmasturbation
      ..

  MOTOWN / DETROIT  ::  motown, detroit, hitsville
      The sound of young America, made on an assembly line of joy in a house on West Grand Boulevard — and the curator's home ground (517, ball don't lie, the Pistons).

  MOVIE MODE (Top Gun)  ::  goose, topgun, mozart, maverick
      webm you can save.

  PASTOR GLEN'S SERMON-PREP ENGINE  ::  sermon, pastor, pastorglen
      A satire engine that drafts the BONES of a sermon — hook, three points, an illustration, the landing, a benediction — and leaves the scripture as a blank, because the house rule is no lying: we don't quote or invent a passage we can't cite, and we don't put words in a real pastor's mouth.

  POLE POSITION  ::  f1
      html) filtered to this month.

  SEND IT TO REDDIT (built, but held dark till launch)  ::  reddit, shareit, sendittoreddit
      Wired and waiting: a real Reddit submit link, kept DORMANT behind a launch flag because the house is held dark and the preview banner literally says "do not share yet." Until the curator flips LAUNCHED (at deploy, or via OHSReddit.arm()), tapping it explains it's held dark; the day the apex goes live, it becomes a real post-to-Reddit link with the page URL + a suggested title.

  SPACE MODE (the sleep study)  ::  snooze, stargaze, spacemode
      A slow drifting starfield to fall asleep to: the lights dim, the stars breathe, a few quiet lines fade by, and then it just lets you go.

  STAR MODE · KALEIDOSCOPE  ::  stars, starmode, kaleidoscope
      A full-screen canvas kaleidoscope: drifting star-points mirrored around the center into rotating symmetry, color cycling through the night.

  STAR WARS MODE (the opening crawl)  ::  crawl, starwars, maytheforce
      The iconic receding yellow crawl, rewritten as the house's own space-opera thesis, over a starfield.

  SUCKS ON PURPOSE · IT'S HUMAN™  ::  human, itshuman, sucksonpurpose, certifiedhuman
      The punchline that is also the thesis: this game is a little janky, a little rough, a little slow — on purpose.

  SUNDAY · IT'S OKAY TO WRESTLE WITH IDEAS  ::  sunday, wrestle, adirondack
      A golden-hour porch and an Adirondack chair — Sunday, marked as the day to sit back.

  SWIM TO THE MOON (the curator's real swim)  ::  swm10, cindy, moonswim, tothemoon, moonandback, swimtothemoon
      A single card pointing at the REAL event — Swim to the Moon Open Water Swim Festival, the Hiland Chain of Lakes near Hell, Michigan — with a verified link to the official site.

  TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE WORD RACE  ::  go, shakeandbake
      "If you ain't first, you're last." A human (you) crowns nothing here — the clock decides — but in the spirit of the house, every racer gets called by name at the end, even last.

  THE 404(k) FUND (the un-retirement fund)  ::  404k, thefund, retirement, unretirement
      The comedy finance wing, folded into one mock prospectus: a fund whose returns are 404, whose loss is a guaranteed 100%, whose every transfer is "subject to the council," that accepts stocks ("tell them to call PNC"), and that routes directly to the curator for anything he wants.

  THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING  ::  42, answer, fortytwo
      42 was the number; ';' is the meaning — not the end; keep going.

  THE BALL DON'T LIE WING  ::  balldontlie, statsdontlie
      The whole site runs on one rule — no lying.

  THE BOSS  ::  theboss, springsteen, bornintheusa
      The patron saint of sweat equity — the long shift, the dignity of work, the town you came up in.

  THE CAPITAL PROTOCOL  ::  517
      Two meanings of "capital" meet here: the capital city (home), and what is actually capital — most important — in the building: human judgment, with money kept firmly in its place.

  THE CHRONIC-PAIN WING  ::  spoons, chronic
      A believe-them guide to invisible illness and chronic pain — spoon theory, "you don't look sick," don't-fix-just-witness.

  THE DIRECTOR'S CUT, Neo style  ::  neo
      The resistance is the piece.

  THE EMAIL SHOW  ::  email, jerkoff
      The reply lands on the museum's oldest share joke: you go mail.

  THE EMPEROR'S NEW CLOTHES  ::  emperor, newclothes
      The companion to the jester room: the public-domain fable, retold in our own words, as the cleanest statement of the site's thesis — the emperor was always naked; the whole crowd could see it; only the child was honest enough to say it out loud, because he hadn't yet learned the cost.

  the exact opposite of berny.js / Swan Mode  ::  sheldon
      There are no power animals.

  THE FREE CART (fill it up)  ::  cart, cartmode
      A satirical shopping cart where you "add to cart" the things that actually matter — and the total never leaves $0.00, because the best stuff was never for sale.

  THE GIFT SHOP (free merch gag)  ::  merch, giftshop
      A nod to the owner, who needs nothing else.

  THE GOT-TO-GO PROTOCOL  ::  gtg, gottago
      No guilt, no "are you sure?", no dark pattern (the house rule forbids it).

  the hidden hardest tier  ::  bdsm
      So does this table.

  the hidden Second-Consent rule  ::  no, 67, 69
      Fires at most once per visit; non-persistent; never clears what you typed.

  THE HONEST WALL  ::  reviews, mousetrap
      The goal was to build the best mousetrap game ever invented; a museum with a no-lie rule cannot post invented testimonials, so this wall shows ONLY real assessments: the security red-teams that actually ran, the QA that actually passed, and the curator's own honest gap report — each labelled as exactly what it is.

  the house calls a timeout  ::  timeout
      A JOKE, and only on certain dates.

  THE JOHN WILLIAMS ENDING  ::  jonwilliams
      The sentence is allowed to end; that's what a John Williams score is FOR.

  THE JORDANS WING  ::  23
      The gag: every museum has a donor wall, but ours is made of bricks — and we know exactly what a brick is in this sport.

  THE JUKEBOX  ::  dj, music, jukebox
      Honest by the house rule: the music is synthesized in Web Audio (no files), so we can't literally play every genre — we map what you typed to the closest bed and say which.

  THE MAGNA CARTA  ::  eggmap, charter, magnacarta
      The Great Charter of the museum: a tappable map of the marquee doors, grouped by wing.

  THE MATCHMAKER (aspirational)  ::  cupid, match, matchmaker
      ("matchmaking" ends in "king" → reserved for king.js, so the trigger is "matchmaker".) A future "match people a year from now, from the data" feature — built honestly, which makes it sharper: this site collects ZERO data on you (the whole privacy stance, type ninja), so a real data-matchmaker can't exist here without betraying it.

  THE PRICE IS RIGHT (price vs worth)  ::  theprice, priceisright, guesstheprice
      A guess-the-price game with the house twist: everything here rings up at $0.00 — it's free — so the game can't be about price.

  the private wing  ::  berny
      Esc, re-type "berny", click the backdrop, or Close to glide back out.

  THE REAL-MEN WING (men's mental health; strength reframed)  ::  manup, realmen
      Reclaims the "Real men ___" trap into the truth: real men cry, fall down and carry unseen scars, and ask for help.

  THE REDZONE · VIPs ONLY (aspirational)  ::  vip, redzone, allaccess
      A velvet-rope VIP gate that is, by design, a JOKE — and an honest one.

  THE SEASIDE TRAIL  ::  seaside
      Travel the trail, ration or push, ford or caulk the river, and try to reach the coast.

  THE SOVEREIGN-CITIZEN LENS (why it loses)  ::  sovcit, sovereign
      An honest, sourced takedown of the pseudo-legal "sovereign citizen" theories — not of the people, of the LENS — because it fails in real courts essentially every time and it discredits legitimate criticism of power by association ("it's hurting my cause").

  THE UK BUILD  ::  uk
      Hard satire, soft heart.

  THE WORKBENCH  ::  bench, workbench, theworkbench
      Not the answer — the bench it was made on.

  THIS WAS MADE TO FIND YOU  ::  foryou, findyou, myfamily, tomyfamily
      A letter from the curator to a wife and children he has not met yet — left in the open, like a flare sent into the dark.

  type "3 body problem" / "threebodyproblem" / "threebody" (standalone, pause-gated) → the reason this site exists: the Capital Protocol  ::  threebody, 3 body problem, threebodyproblem
      The three-body problem has no general closed-form solution — three masses pull each other into chaos.

  type "carolyn" or "garay" and the site opens the matriarch's own site, carolyngaray.com  ::  garay, carolyn
      Respect the Art™.

  type "king" (or "kink" — we know what you typed) and the table answers with the résumé and a spanking  ::  king, kink
      The spanking is a wrist-slap, obviously — Article V holds — and the résumé is the actual payoff: came looking for a kink, found a king.

  type "news" (standalone, pause-gated) → the Literacy Desk  ::  news
      Pause-gated so "fakenews" types straight through to its own egg.

  type "taxes" and get audited (the good kind)  ::  taxes
      The accessibility self-grade: the aim is WCAG 2.1 Level AA — AAA where we can reach it, and never claimed where we can't.

  UNCLE MODE (god mode)  ::  uncle, hottub, godmode, unclemode
      The cheat code nobody tells you about: relaxation AND fun at the same time, dialed to infinity.

  WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (plant your one pin)  ::  dropapin, wildthings, wildrumpus
      You get to claim ONE spot on Earth — name the place, leave a short message — and it's saved as your pin, on your device, forever (until you replant it).

  WIZARDING TRANSLATION  ::  accio, wizard, muggle, harrypotter
      Live-translates the visible site into the wizarding tongue by walking text nodes and swapping a dictionary of words — then type it again to undo (reversible, non-persistent).